Skip to content
August 21, 2013 / Amberly

That Awkward Moment When…

That awkward moment when you have a blog, write your thoughts and ideas… and they offend those closest to you. Writing about the moments in your life, and your opinion on them and not about the weather can be a hazardous thing.

Someone mentioned once that I should ghost write but what’s the fun in that.

Playing it safe hasn’t and sadly will never be a strength of mine. I dive, jump, run and go all in… 90% of the time.

Getting in trouble as a result of the words coming out of this mouth isn’t something relatively new. The reality is I have always gotten in trouble because of this mouth of mine. I just say things, that sometimes shouldn’t be said, or should be. Teachers in high school used to make me a special place by the door for my desk. All by my lonesome. Disrupting other students and talking is what I was best known for in some of my classes. I am sure this is why getting reprimanded for my odd actions, or thoughts isn’t all that scary anymore.

Getting into amazing situations is another specialty of this mouth. I have met amazing people, been to amazing places and subsequently received great grades in English and public speaking classes. Since I see my future in professional talking and relationship building I truly embrace the good with the bad. I have this thing for life, so may as well use it.

photo (1)

When it comes to outlandish statements, there is definitely a part of me that likes to rock the boat, say things to make a stir. Encourage people think twice about the way they pursue their life. When I write a post I always think of how it may affect those that are reading it. If it is about something that I know may be upsetting I write it in a fashion that doesn’t point fingers or criticize. What I write is a raw thought. Something that in this moment is important to me, and it is important for me to share it.

So here I am again, writing about moments in my life that will most likely offend no one (this time) but who knows on the next post. Get ready, it could be you ;)

Read It, Live It, Share It.

August 20, 2013 / Amberly

What Overwhelms You?

I don’t seem to get overwhelmed by much. Life likes to throw things at me, I dodge them, leap over them and ultimately brush it off like dirt on my shoulders ;)

Then came my first day of school.

Sitting here I have had more than one moment thinking how it would feel to quit school. I have messaged over 3 people to get emotional support and have had countless moments of swearing at my computer while buying absurdly overpriced books.

I wanted this.

I signed up willingly.

Today was the first day of school, and it went well. That is until I got home, and after a soothing run, pulled out the syllabi I was handed in each of my classes, with all the books I would need for the semester, and my assignments for the week. My plan was to sit pretty at Whole Foods while getting all this accomplished. First order books, next fill out my online school profile, introduce myself in this online platform and last but not least do the five assignments.

Books ordered: check. Quit school: check.

Okay so I am being dramatic, but I am overwhelmed. I think about how much I am spending on books, on tuition, how I have cut back my hours dramatically at work, that assignments are now handed in online, in one class it has to be .PDF another Microsoft Office. School doesn’t seem to be as simple as it used to be. Go to class, get assignment, turn assignment in to teacher when it is due. Maybe it’s just a case of the technology blues, I have never been any good behind a computer screen.

Either way this whole process seems to overwhelm me. I am emotionally drained from a day of school.

My little sister had her first day back yesterday and expressed that she feels the same way. Overwhelmed and a little anxious over the new lifestyle associated with the new title of being a “student”.

We are both feeling the weight of the start of something new, a large task four years long that includes an entirely new lifestyle and set of skills that haven’t been utilized in a long while.

What we have concluded is that being in school is about being organized. Placing one task in front of the other, so that not everything is a priority. The first few weeks are going to be overwhelming, headache producing and frankly just new. We wanted this. So hard work and dedication is the only thing that will get us through. Success is hard work, and we are successful.

Cheers to Juniper and I starting a whole new chapter. Let’s embrace the new found identity of being a student.

Read It, Live It, Share It.

August 8, 2013 / Amberly

Weddings…

I am surrounded by weddings.

At one point in your life it seems like your Facebook newsfeed becomes filled with pictures of babies, engagement rings and wedding posts from pintrest. The invitations start to come in the mail, and summer vacations that were once your own are now solely dedicated to flying around the country to celebrate someone’s love.

I see it as a forced vacation to see friends and family. Don’t get me wrong, it is wonderful to get together with the ones you love. What I don’t enjoy is the time commitment and financial burden that ONE weekend has. I loved the justification my friend gave when I expressed that this wedding of hers between plane tickets, car rental a bachelorette weekend, hotels and so much more is going to make my bank account a very sad looking place. Her reply “You think it costs you a lot, we are spending a fortune on making this a great day for our guests” HA. Point taken. Got it.

To me you are crazy to spend a minimum of $10,000 for ONE day to celebrate something as pure and wonderful as love. I can live off that for a year, I could spend the year traveling with my partner on that. NO JOKE.

What is a joke though, is the fact that we believe that our day has to go a certain way. We need to make sure the wedding checklist is all crossed off, that everything goes a certain way… according to who??

We are sold a dream, from the time we are young, most women are planning their wedding. They are told you are supposed to be a happy bride, you have to have a white dress, wear a diamond engagement ring (*Cough De Beers ad campaign *cough cough) have a ceremony that will impress all your friends and family. So when it comes time to actually plan the day, us ladies never stop to think how do WE want to be represented on this day. How do we want to express ourselves and our partner. Instead we pick up a magazine, which only solidifies the stereotype of the “conventional” american wedding. We talk with our friends, who have been led to believe this truth just as much as the rest of us.

Not to mention that when you are busy dreaming of a moment, we forget that we are sharing this day with someone. While we are wrapped up in the idea of getting married and planning this big day, we may have forgotten to take a look at who is going to be across from us. Is this the person that I want as a partner forever.

We don’t realize there are other ways to do it. We can express our love without a large rock on our finger, which tells the world how much money we make, or what our status in this society is.

So lets do this, lets let little girls dream of amazing men, who love them for who they are. Let them dream of beautiful relationships that grow over time, let them dream of respect and communication.

Then together these grown ups can decide how they want their love to be expressed and how they want to share it with those they love.

“They take your dreams down and stick them in storage
You can have them back son when you’ve paid off your mortgage and loans
Oh hell with this place, I’ll go it my own way
I’ll stick out my thumb and I trudge down the highway
Someday someone must be going my way home” – Passenger

Read It, Live It, Share It.

July 24, 2013 / Amberly

The Hill = Life

I finally truly understand the hill = life metaphor.

While out biking with a friend today I knew that on the way back there was a gigantic hill waiting for me. I am sure by the end of our 1h30min bike ride, I turned a mole hill into a gigantic volcanic mound.

Our mind is an interesting place.

Getting a glimpse of that hill in the distance, it seemed like a daunting task. It is just dreadful that every part of your body is going to have to work together to complete the task of getting up it. It will probably take every ounce of strength in your muscles, leaving you nothing on the other side. You’ll get to the top and probably just fall over.

While you have contemplated every method of going around this hill, you realize the only way is up.

The dreaded feeling seems to lessen as your mind gently wanders to the scenery around you, taking in one last look before your enevitable death at the top, or god forbid you don’t make it up and just colapse in the middle. While your mind wanders you don’t even notice you have started to ascend this thing, the momentum from every pedal you made earlier is helping you to accomplish this. You find yourself almost re-energized with the fact that this hill is 50% over before it even began!

It doesn’t seem as massive as you predicted, as you led yourself to believe.

Then the momentum stops and it is just you, the bike and the hill. Who is going to win. How badly do you want to get home? You know that being half way finished isn’t finished. The top is there, you can do it. So you push and stand as tall as you can to get the most amount of energy from each stroke. Finally, the only thing standing between you and the top is a small hill that happens to be hidden right at the end.

You did it, look back or just keep your sights forward, you are done. Man it feels good, you are on top of the world. You are victorious!

This is life is it not? I get it now.

Read It, Live It, Share It.

July 22, 2013 / Amberly

A Shift

I could feel it happening for the past few months. Something in me has changed. There is a strong desire somewhere in my soul to live less nomadic and more in a stable environment.

Tonight I walked home from a “girls night” feeling like I have found my place. This night showed me that being grounded, stable, and present can be something not feared, but embraced. I have made many friend all over the world and every time I leave, or they leave I feel a twinge of sadness. A sadness for a relationship not fully realized, for adventures and conversations that will never happen. To be staying here is a new adventure. One that will teach me brand new characteristics about myself. I will create these same relationships, but have the time to cultivate them, to see them through more than a year, more than a week.

This joyous feeling in my heart is indicating that I am on the correct path. Staying in Colorado is indeed the right thing to do.

Here is to new adventures and fears turning into opportunities.

Quote

Go get em’

Read It, Live It, Share It.

July 22, 2013 / Amberly

Feeling Safe

I am going through old photographs and it is so fun to see the things that I have done… and already forgotten about. Zip lining through waterfalls in Thailand, 10H bus rides with music blaring and water dripping from the ceiling. Oooo FUN! With all these memories flooding back there is something significant I remember.

I remember the feeling of not being safe to express myself emotionally and my thoughts on life with certain people.

‘There was once this girl in a relationship, and she didn’t feel emotionally safe to express herself. Alcohol, and “playing devils advocate” got in the way of support and good times.

This boy and girl had plenty of amazing times together, but in the end the things that were most important to her won over and so this relationship had to end.

This girl would always look back and feel that she could have opened up more, but she didn’t feel safe to. Sometimes even being silly was scary, because in the situation where silliness was okay she would have to take care of this boy or be embarrassed by the things he would do in bars when there was alcohol involved. She didn’t feel safe to let go. To just fully be herself.

Even something as simple as expressing her thoughts on drinking milk would be met with a “your wrong” attitude. Just sharing something that she learned and was passionate about seemed to be a problem.’

Looking back, there are other times in my life where I would feel this way and a certain uptightness would follow. Ask my little sister how uptight I was growing up… YIKES! It is like going into “survival mode”, stifling who you are and not fully expressing yourself. Having fun and letting go is out of the question. This eventually leads to resentments and dooms any friendship, partnership or relationship that these feelings are a part of.

I have learned not to let people in my life that just want to contradict or tear me down. Being emotionally safe to me means expressing my thoughts and feeling and being validated for them. I fully believe in being open minded enough to have discussions, and present new ideas, thoughts and theories. I love to incorporate new ways of thinking into my life, but it does gets taxing when you are constantly defending yourself because someone just wants to contradict you.

I feel so grateful to now surround myself with people that validate who I am, who share new ideas and give me the freedom to fully express myself just the way I am.

Read It, Live It, Share It.

July 12, 2013 / Amberly

Officially 7 Weeks…

Sober :)

I don’t have a bad relationship with alcohol, I am just not a fan anymore.

Jumped on the wagon and haven’t looked back!

Read It, Live It, Share It.

July 5, 2013 / Amberly

Bursting with Happiness

Sometimes I am so happy I feel that my heart will burst out of my chest. Then my jaw hurts from smiling so much.
Today has been one of those days.

Read It, Live It, Share It.

July 4, 2013 / Amberly

Instant Attraction

Goodness this world works in mysterious ways…

Ever see someone and you just know you need to know them.

Maybe they are slacklining in a park, just walked into a natural foods store or casually sitting at a bar. You are just drawn to them, and need to have them in your life, even if it is only for a moment. I have had this happen a few times. Mostly it happens with men, not always in a sexual attraction but almost a spiritual one. For some reason this person is supposed to be in my life and I don’t know why yet, and maybe I will never know. Just in that moment I need to meet them.

The Green Grocers Brisbane

One of my favorite encounters happened in Brisbane Australia. I was walking by The Green Grocers and for some reason I stopped after passing the entrance, retraced my steps and went into the shop. It was extremely small and I was just looking at things, and found myself drawn to this one man. He was big and burly, no shirt with an extremely hairy chest. He was browsing with a lady friend and we started talking, after a 4 minute conversation he invited me for dinner at his house. I agreed and we exchanged numbers.

Dale and I in a park

I was of course a little hesitant, a foreigner going to a mans house after knowing him for 5 minutes. Something in me just had to go. I gave my friends who I was staying with his name, number and address just in case anything happened and off I went.

What followed was one of the best evenings and subsequent mornings of my life. Dale and his roomates were some of the most wonderful people I have ever met! He made a delicious dinner (I can’t remember what we had) we ate in the backyard talking about life and listening to Pink Floyd on the record machine. It was so amazing to meet such like minded souls, who were so kind and genuine.

Fruit from Dale's backyard

We went dumpster diving and had a great time finding so much FREE food! (Which turned into the greatest breakfast!!) After an amazing massage he truly has healing energy, I hesitantly returned to my friends house only to get up 6 hours later to go back to theirs for an amazing breakfast!

Breakfast in Brisbane

Everything we cooked was either from the dumpster or the backyard garden. This was one of my first experience with dumpster diving and I love it. We spent the day together walking around Brisbane, talking about life, how it works and what we have had past experiences with. It is amazing when you find someone that just accepts you for you. No matter how you show up in that moment they are just present with you. I only spent a total of a few days with this man but he truly changed my life, and enriched it in ways I will never know. I feel truly blessed to have “run” into him that one fateful day in Brisbane.

Dale

Not all my life changing random encounters have turned out so lovely. They all have their purpose and turn out exactly as they should, one in particular lead to the biggest heartbreak I have ever felt. Either way I fully believe that we should follow our gut, our intuition no matter how frightening it may be to approach the people you are drawn to, you never know what experience you will receive from it!

Love It

Read It, Live It, Share It.

July 1, 2013 / Amberly

Penthouse Suites and Bachelorettes

It is 1am and I am sitting on the balcony of the penthouse suite of a beautiful resort in Vail CO. The girls are still out on the town and I decided to come back early and enjoy this place alone for a minute.

Sitting here listening to Balmorhea Bowspirit, in a bathrobe and staring at the stars seems like the perfect way to end this marvelous weekend. There is a fire pit roaring one story below me, and I can’t help but stare at the reflections it makes on the surrounding buildings.

These are the times to appreciate. Spending Friday at a gorgeous condo in downtown Denver, watching an amazing lightning storm. Going out on the town and dancing until they kick us out of the bars. Spending Saturday driving up to Vail, where when we arrive we are upgraded to the best suite in the resort. All the while having nine, beautiful, wonderful women to converse and laugh with. This is what makes life grande. Taking the time to stop and celebrate life’s little achievements, or in this case big ones. I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday than a morning yoga class, gondola ride and getting on a horse for an hour. These are the weekends, the days that you remember forever. I am so grateful to be here, breathing in the mountain air, seeing stars I didn’t know existed because of city lights.

Life is one big journey and I am so happy that my journey is just so damn amazing.

Ps Happy Canada Day!

Read It, Live It, Share It.