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February 6, 2014 / Amberly

Testing Testing

Have you ever felt like you are being tested.

I don’t mean when clearly everything is going wrong and you are on your knees just praying for something to go your way. (That was early last year for me)

No, this is more like a feeling of being constantly overwhelmed and a little emotionally fragile. That things aren’t necessarily bad, but you are just trying to fake it until you make it.

I am not sure if it’s just the exorbitant amount reading I have to do for all my classes. Or maybe this feeling is from spending hours re-teaching myself everything there is to know about college algebra. Whatever the cause, it’s taking it’s tole.

This could be one of those how bad do you want it tests. How badly do I want that diploma in 3.5 years. How hard am I going to work each semester, how many hours am I willing to put into it.

It is funny, because if I look at it from a non-emotional standpoint, I received a 92% on my first math quiz. Class was canceled for my history quiz and my world mythology quiz got postponed until Monday. Clearly someone or something is on my side.

I just still can’t shake this feeling that I have no idea what I am doing. That I am treading water, and I might not be cut out for this. It is affecting my relationships, I just don’t have anything to give right now.

All I can do is remember that there are only 4 months to a semester, I am almost a 1/4 of the way done. That this is a new experience, of course I am overwhelmed. I can hazily remember to utter the words that bring me up, I am strong, I am confident. I am intelligent.

I got this.


One Comment

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  1. Mindy Anne / Feb 11 2014 1:07 PM

    Just keep on keepin on – You’ve got it in you. One day at a time beautiful girl.

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